mrs. kwon

3:58 PM NAIIIII: i read throgh it all..but i'm gonna go and write thoughts as i read each pararaph over again. you know, if we did judge people on what they did rather than how they looked, then i think people wouldn't even be doing nothing. idk..like people look good cuz of what they do..idk, i must not be making sense. i wish that you could have the hair color of your dream..mommy's always talkning about her dreams and whatnot, but chooses to crush yours. idk why hair is such a big problem. wtf. i can't wait til when you can dye it again nai, spring, right? and about the praises..i've grown used to it. like when we do good, they don't say "oh, that was great," but more of "keep doing it," kinda thing. the be good part really repitiive..like in a nice way. english has been drilling writing terms into my head ><; you do drop tears for evryone, but you can't help it cuz thas who you are. you feel a lot, been through a lot, so most times when you cry for them, you can relate. me, i barely cry for anyone but myself..you too. sometimes tia. about daddy, i thought pao mao was younger than him? O_O yeahh..mommy. people come from all different lives, and don't find yourself at fault at all. you didn't force her to have sex or none of that. and when she talks about not finishing school, i just nod..i really don't know what to say to her about that. and her family supremacy shit, funny. it cracked me the fuck up when before we went down to nc, she told us not to cuss cuz they don't do it down there. ROFL LMAO, what a fucking lie. she's so delusional. who fucking cares if they don't want you to be great!? YOU WANT YOU TO BE GREAT!!!! hell, i could care less if they wanted me to be less thn what i wanted for myself. fuck that. it's stupid..why would you not wanna be the best that you can be? *shakes head* i will always love you unconditionally nai..and i know the boys too. and tia. and you know, if you were too marry out of race, i know they will regret forver if they were to disown you, ya know? like they probably owuld on spur of the moment ish, but stilll. yeah..i like to believe love is forver. i'm so *___* naive. dreamer old me. yeahh..i remember when we were younger. idk if i ever told anybody this, butnae ga shil tah for doing that. the worst winter of my life was when we spent it with pa houa and them. worst weeks of my life. i learned a lot from doing that. when i'm in my deep emo moods, i think about how stupid i was. the stuff i used to do for the approval of others. now, i'm just like fuck you; i live for me, and those i care about. i learned more about me between the ages of 10-15 than ever before.. i mean, nai, if people don't wanna get to know and understand you beyond the exterior, forget it. but i know you, nai..you want people to see you for exterior and interior. you like to look good, nai. and when you, as in YOU, not generally, look good, you ae happy and feel good, and to see you happy nai, makes me happy. idk, seems like these days you are more angry or sad than others. i hope you tone up so that inner you will be happier. i get what you mean about the whoel friends thing..i fucking hate thinking about middle school, but man, trhey gave em the best years of my life. lke i learned more about peopel than ever. it fucking broke my stupid lil heart when ki was being a who knows what and when samantha got all whatever too. idk, i don't like to call them this or that and sya they were this and that, cuz who knows, maybe it was me. sucks though..i cared too much about them. i defended them like nothing, for real. i was so quick to jump at someone who said something bad to them..wtf was my problem. things happen for a reason, and time changes everything. i realized that knowing someone longer doesn't make them a better friend compare to one who you know for a couple years..like esther, i love esther a lot. she's white and just share total opposite views for life than me, but we are able to set that aside. we just don't talk about it..but she;s nice and is always there for me. sometimes though, i'm afraid of losing her. eh, i sound like a homo..but for real, i'm scared to drift from her. man, i hate crystal. not so sound homo agaion, but you gave her everything. like you were fucking nice to her emo shitty head ass. yo know how some peopel look at others and see a money sign? she looks at other and see gossip :X for real. like i remember she used to always be "omg girl, guess what i heard?" and "guess what" and "did you hear?" i mean, damn, maybe iif she talked more about her own life than others than maybe she wouldn't have been so damn miserable -___-; idk, i hate her for that. she's stupid. we are suckers for companionship. ths my number one for reason for not wanting to be a biologist. i'm scared tha if i go away to study and come back, no one is gonna love me anymore and that i won't be able to start a family and stuff.. like i said, we are used to human interaction nai. our family, excludig parents sometimes, talk to each other a lot. i also don't wanna go away and study cuz i'm scared i'm gonna miss a significnt moment of someone's life. like what if tou's wife or something gives birht and i'm not there? it made me sad last year when i had soccer practice too much and never came around. sad..sad..sad.. and woman, i nevr have a thesis statement. you just don't put one on how you feel..you feel different things nai. well, i love you nai. i will come up later. i'm looking at cell phones -__- and gran torino was good XD sighs..i can't wait for summer either. i hate winter.

and nothing is wrong with real being ugly as long as the truth isn't bottled up. te amo. have fun upstairs.











man, sometimes i don't fucking get tia. she's fucking hard headed. i don't get why she always gotta cuss at somebody and make a big ol fuckin i hit you there and here scene and shit. like wtf, idc what you do to me, you're not gonna get your way. she is so rude and always shouts. like, she's beasty and shit for no damn reason. all she wants is her way, her way, her way. i don't wanna call her selfish...but man, she's fucking close to it. like all she knows is her way. frustrates the hell out of me. her mouth needs a damn filter. like i dc if she cusses cuz we all do, but man, some stuff she say be pissng me the fuck off. and she's been trying to punch me more these days too. all this "i'd punch you in your fce" knda shit. ok, wow, thas wonderful -___-; sighs. sometimes, i feel like she don't respect me for shit.

and i never blogged about what happend with tony, so i guess i'll do that now. well, i broke up with him last week thursday..week from today actually. it was after school and took like a minute. basically i told him let's be friends, patted him, and ran off to my bus ><; whatever..the point is i did it. i felt good. he was making me frustrated as hell too, so that was a great feeling. came back to school the next day, and it weird cuz i saw him so many times that day. like since we got back from break, i have not seen him that much in one day..so i kinda laughed. he's stupid. and now i don't really talk to him. like i do, but only in study hall. can't wait for semester to be over so i can avoid him more..i know i was the one who told him to just be friends, but eh, whatever. and i know it might be immture to do so, but i talk to more guys in front of him. LMAO..for my own pathetic joy. i did liek tony though.not a lot, but i did. i won't say i'm completely over him, but i'm close to it. he really pissed me off some days. like i hated it when i would ask whas bothering him and even sent him a facebook msg, but he never replied. sighs..ass. and when he said some shit about how his phone fell in the snow, but then earlier that day kong told me tony called him. ha..funny. plus, you're phone can't die frm being in the snow. wtf. and if he ws telling the truth, too bad. whatever. and another thing was he was acting shady..wtf -__-; i'm too good for that shit. so, guess tht was an interesting 1st boyfriend crap.

it's so cold these days..i had a meeting today, but cancelled it cuz of weather. i feel like such a bad president..i've cancelled 2 meetings already -___-; i don't got evrybody's number..i wish i had a cell phone. rawr. i'm stressed out, not even about exams. honestly, i couldn't give a shit about exams. like i'm studying, havne't gotten to it, but idc. i'm hoping for the best. i don't like to overstudy, leads to second guessing. and thas also the problem, i'm a slacker. i'm such a non high achiever. like lisa..she's he highest achiever i know. colleges are gonna jump at the chance to have her. she's 4.0, always volunteering, varsity soccer...man..i'm actually jealous. but, unfortunately to make myself feel better, she doesn't seem to be very close wth her family. and idk, but now that i am so sure about uwmil, i'm working less hard. eh. i need to stop. i need to step my game up again.

oh, and i'm dropping calc. for real. i fuckin hate that i had to screw over my gpa cuz of the two math classes, cuz if i do end up dropping it, i'm gonna have to retake precalc as a class unofficially, but officially it's called being a "monitor" and ish. wtf..so i'm basically doing all the notes, tests, but it's not gonna replace my grade from transcripts. bs. but at least i will learn and will be prepared for calc next year..sucks though..hate the way lotesto teaches. rawr.

anyhow, i'm trynna be happy for my birthday.

hope exams will go well.